Office Responsibilities

Yesterday one of my staff was going to be very late due to car trouble. A part of my solemn duty as Management Czar is to let our offices know when one of my staff is going to be late/not in. I know we must do this because I never do it and I keep getting shouted at by various people.

Client. Yeh.

In the interest of toeing the line but also rebelling at the system that line represents, I now do send an organisation wide email out but I do it in a way that would make Tolstoy shake his head and ask me to wind back the word count. Somewhere in the spelling errors, run-on sentences and life lessons a reader may be able to deduce that I am out of the office visiting a client.

In any case I sent an email around which included the (what I thought to be) harmless line “Buyer’s remorse is not something you have three years into the ownership. It’s for three hours after, while finishing a bottle of scotch and wondering what your wife will think of this $300 robot toy”. I was of course referring to the staff member’s poor choice in vehicle and my need to purchase stupid robots that do very little and I get bored of within a few hours anyway.

It wasn’t until someone mentioned marital aides that I realised I may have inadvertently, and to the entire organisation, suggested I had purchased my wife a vibrator.

Well, doesn't that clarify

my meaning?

What I should have done:

Clarified my meaning to ensure the old people stopped looking shocked, the young people stopped looking at me like I was a pervert and the partners stopped remembering my name again.

What I did:

Looked up adult web sites to find what $300 would buy in the form of toys. Pretty fancy stuff it turns out.

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