Migrant Testing

Once a month I try and catch up on current events outside what is offered by the Daily Mail. It’s not that I’ve found a saturation point of tits and ass, it’s that I sometimes become upbeat, almost optimistic, about life. The only way to curb that is to review mainstream media and in particular what they believe I should be indignant about. Invariably they will take a topic out of context, pick a villain and then attempt to put into a few short, fact-lacking paragraphs exactly what I should be feeling about this. Then I track down my indignation pants and begin blowing steam.

So I know in theory the articles about Australia’s new English tests for migrants don’t offer much in the way of thoughtful analysis. The difficulty I am having is that I’m a little unsure which particular group I’m meant to be indignant about. The government? The southern-cross-tattoo-wielding bogans? The migrants? Fuck knows. We already have an indigenous race to Australia and every time some white person tells a migrant that unless they toe some arbitrary line they should get out of the country, all I can do is visualise the original Australians rebutting to everyone with: you first.

To fix everything, I contend that everyone should take these tests; native, migrant and established European settlors alike. Anyone who fails them should be immediately sent to New Zealand. Then we do the same tests with maths, science and health care. In one swoop, we collect the people lacking writing skills, an ability to do simple maths, the anti-vaccers, all religions and as important, the people who don’t eat gluten when they haven’t been diagnosed with anything. Put them all on a boat and make them New Zealand’s problem.

As with all my suggestions, an ulterior motive exists. I am fully aware I would fail these tests so to me this will be a free overseas trip to where Lord of the Rings was made. I never look ahead to future consequences, so I have that going for me as well.

Getting back to my readings which aren’t from the Daily Mail, these are two questions an article said were a part of the new migrant testing. I’ll reiterate again, they probably aren’t, and I would imagine only vague parallels exists between the topic, the evidence and the conclusion. But it wasn’t from Daily Mail so in the interest of living in the shoes of migrants, and without really putting myself out too much, I’m answering the questions and submitting to the Government.

Dear Sir or Madam

I live in room 2-22 and share the room with Kevin McAllister. Initially our relationship was excellent however over time it has deteriorated and my work, study and personal life has been effected. I cannot focus or concentrate, have trouble sleeping and I am concerned that my grades will soon begin to slip.

The problems stem from Kevin’s continual need to masturbate, like all the time. Initially I got it, we all enjoy a healthy night out with Mrs Palmer. But at some point, it became clear to me that Kevin’s habit was an obsession. I offer these examples where Kevin’s need to bash the bishop crossed the line:

• Kevin sprained his wrist, he said from tennis but he doesn’t play any sports, and one night he was eating a burger with his sole useful hand while watching porn on his computer. He noticed I was studying and asked me to ‘help out a brother’, nodding towards his exposed genitals and then further insisting it wouldn’t get weird.
• I was showing my mother around the college and then came back to the room to find Kevin, naked and covered head to toe in a thick layer of lard or grease of some kind. He had dressed his pillow up as a horse it seemed and was ‘jousting’ against another pillow-horse using his, well, you can appreciate what he was using as his joust. He stared at us for a while and then asked my mother for her number. Right in front of me.
• Just last Tuesday I asked him to be out of the room for a few hours because I was studying with my girlfriend. He touched his nose and gave me gun-fingers so I thought he had agreed and was fully aware what studying was code for. It was only a fair way into our session that we noticed Kevin sitting on the edge of his bed, watching us and beating the meat. We stopped and just stared at him, he noticed and stopped as well, then pantomimed throwing something on the ground before shouting ‘smokebomb’. He didn’t move though and then after a few seconds continued his five knuckled shuffle even more vigorously. It was as disturbing as it was hypnotic. I am now single.

This is but a drop in the figurative ocean of ejaculate I could provide in the way of examples.

I can’t study without him being there, playing tug of war with cyclops, and my performance at work is terrible because I can’t focus knowing what I am coming home to. Every time I close my eyes, all I can see is the strange facial expression that he uses before climaxing. All day I continually hear in the background a soft, insistent and repetitive thwacking and I can only sleep with loud music. I fear silence. God help me, I fear silence.

Move him, or move me, I need a single room, you must help me. But do it soon, because he lied.

It got weird.

 

Initially I was a little confused with the word ‘often’ as it implied there were options involved. This was a surprise as I thought there was some age where you just become old and were forcibly removed from society. Kind of like that old movie where people had the light in their palm that designated their lifespan, I’m going to say Running Man, but I don’t think it was called that because Running Man was an Arnie action flick. In any case, the fact old people have choices literally blew my mind.

However, I then read the rest of the question and realised that I wasn’t even being asked whether old people should be able to make decisions. This is a little disappointing as during my planned response I had determined a kick ass answer and also designed a software proto-type for old people dating, a geriatric-tinder if you will. Patent pending.

So, should the British government pay for old people to be put in a home? I’m siding with yes, because for one, and I’ll expand on this a little more, fuck the British government and for two, why wouldn’t we make what is a large and complicated problem for Australia, the large and complicated problem for another country entirely.

Firstly, when I was 10 years old we had very little to watch on TV. I remember one day it was raining and my sister was watching EastEnders for some reason. I wanted to watch the movie Ice Pirates but no, lets watch a British soap Opera (that last bit was sarcasm). I had to sit through the entire fucking thing and right after, another fucking episode. Some 10 years later, when email was invented, I recounted the event to the British government and asked for a review and compensation. I received no response to the first seven emails but on the fourteenth, some lady named Caroline told me to stop and further confirmed she had neither the power to order a bunch of redcoats to flog the entire cast of EastEnders or to arrange for an Ice Pirates remake. So, fuck the British government.

Secondly, imagine going to pay for a beer. You have the cash ready but someone offers to pay for it for you. At no point should the answer be anything but yes – this is because pride is a terrible sin. There are so many old people wandering around that of course we need to put them all in a communal home. Preferably one with big walls. But should we pay for it ourselves? Of course we could, but if the British government is offering to round them up and take them back to Britain, all on their dollar, well I say let them. I’ve never studied economics, but I believe this is referred to as the marginal propensity to save beer money and is both prudent and rational Keynesian fundamentals.

I'm sensing awe from this guy.

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Winter Sponsorships & Commentary

This is now week two into a planned few months I have called ‘Not Drinking on a School Night (but Sunday doesn’t count)’ or ‘Winter’ for short because I lack an ability to create marketable names when plagiarism is so much easier. I have a few sponsors, but could always do with a few more. Your contributions wouldn’t be going to charity though, they would be entirely to a Friday night rollout. I’m more than happy to provide an audited ledger but I’m not sure what you would be looking for - I’m spending it all on alcohol and maybe BBQ wings and I’m open about that. Full and complete transparency where 100% of your contributions go directly towards that objective (take that, Red Cross).

Ostensibly this is a nod to good health and is what I televised it as, however the real motivation is slightly different. Friday afternoon work conversation revolves around discussion about plans for the night, and because we live in a pretty fucked up culture (be honest, we are just the worst), it mostly involves alcohol. However, when someone told me they were going out for a few quiet drinks I just couldn’t relate anymore – I had done that each night for the past forever. I just couldn’t draw any excitement or to say it in another way, the weekend was becoming just another few days of obligation.

No, Jason. This is

who you are.

INTERLUDE: It should be noted that I have no idea what personalities the people at work have, I’ve artificially created different personalities for each of them and even given them all back stories. This is probably why most work conversations irritate me – they are all acting out of character and talking about wives or husbands that in my version they don’t even have. So rather than becoming annoyed when Jason from accounts denies his sexual preference, I have taken to inventing conversations in my head and we all coexist peacefully because they play their parts perfectly. In future when I discuss a conversation at work, it may have happened or it may be something that only took place in my head. That line is blurring now, but is something I will worry about at a later point.

So this whole ‘Winter’ is my attempt to reclaim the joy of the weekend and the joy of picking up a freshly pulled beer and finding that “Aaagh, God, fuck yeh, that is good” moment. This has been a week of sobriety and towards tonight there is already a mounting sense of excitement. It appears that ‘Winter’ may prove to be as successful as it will be lucrative (Especially if Kickstarter accepts my proposal).

PERSONAL COMMENTARY

I don’t normally watch sports, however I was sitting there watching the soccer last night. In the main I was just keeping away from a domestic dispute going on with the wife and the girl over a missing dancing shoe that was needed for a dancing thing that was happening the next morning. There was no way I was going near them until they had settled down, firstly because anything to do with her dancing causes me pain and secondly, I know better than to poke the bear. In any case I was watching the game and they had a moment of silence for the Manchester attack. The Australian team bowed their heads and the Saudi Arabian team did not, instead just kept their normal game preparation. I noted it, but didn’t think more of it. My story above of the family unrest becomes relevant now (I forgive you for thinking I was waffling). It is important that I thought more of smouldering wife-rage than a soccer team not responding a custom of an entirely different culture to their own.

Remember what? Mum's

birthday? Tell me!

However, I should have known better. On the way to work the event was mentioned on the radio and then someone mentioned it at work. I understand that the terrorist attacks are pretty fucked up. Really fucked up. People are looking for something to cling to, to make sense of something you really can’t make sense of. But there is no easy answer to this so we turn to anger and anger needs an outlet. The Saudi team, rightly or wrongly, just gave an outlet to that uncertainty and anger. Unlike me, the Media has no hesitation in poking the bear and there are people out there who are always ready to turn to anger because they are racist, bigoted, howler monkeys. Then average Joe & Jill will fall into line as well because with the media manipulation and the need to vent, it is a sad logical path given the circumstances. The news outlets are demanding we find a scapegoat but burning a witch at the stake only fuels the media need for sensationalization.

This is a pot on the boil. And not boiling with something delicious either. Maybe fish heads. And urine.

I don’t know how to fix it, I wouldn’t even know where to start, what I do know is that around 6pm tonight I’m going to have a beer and wings then raise my glass to the Australian team, the Saudi team and to every fucking person in the world who has ever felt helpless and uncertain.

It can’t hurt.

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TGIF: Passionate Anger and Software

I have a background in IT and a solid education in software development and while my experience walked me down a different path, I still have a keen eye for issues occurring in the ICT world. This is of course resume bullthwot for I might have connected some computers once and my degree suggests I turned up to at least some of the software engineering classes. I suppose what I am saying is I have enough knowledge to be dangerous but not enough to be overly useful or actually, you know, knowledgeable.

I have been using the same software for many years and while I don’t feel the need to name that brand I do feel the need to expand on why at times, literally smearing my monitor in shit seems like a more efficient use of my time than using their products. While they started with a flagship offering

Thanks. Now touch your toes.

over fifteen years ago, they have since either developed, bought or imagined a huge range of business solutions. This is normal as any type of software house needs a range of products and the smartest of them find ways to bring you a one-stop-shop offering. This is because the cost to adopt is huge but so is the cost to change. They know that once installed there is a very high probability that the business will never change that software. It’s brilliant really, they can drop service, support and artfully ignore bugs and smile at you cheerfully as you hand them fistfuls of cash while crying. In fact, your tears are a fundamental part of their commercial operation.

This is where I come in. As I said, I view my limited knowledge as powerful while they view it as dangerous. Though I’m not saying they wish I would shut up because they simply don’t care what we think of their product. Changing becomes a costly and logistical nightmare. They know that, and as much as I hate their dark soulless hearts I kind of admire their shitty magnificence. So, as I said, I’m disgruntled by the company providing the software but also by the drones in every firm I have been in who continue to eat grass and passively accept. As an analogy, imagine asking someone if you can shove a pineapple up their arse. They will probably decline, no matter the situation. Ask them the same question but with something smaller, like a pear, but if they decline they now must actively contribute in creating a world where shoving fruit up your arse isn’t a thing. That person is busy, that person doesn’t care and so they shrug and take the pear suppository rather than doing anything.

You are tired when Pascal says

you are tired.

I’m tired of having fruit shoved up my arse and so should you. At no reasonable time should this be something that is done and at no reasonable time should we accept that our very expensive software has an excessive number of bugs, glitches or works in ways that downright hinder productivity. And then this happened, I needed to contact their support because, of course, their poor software was again doing something stupid. As an aside, this is pretty much how I talk to everyone on the phone (irrelevance coupled with dad jokes):

Support: What is your client number?

Me: <Provides number ignoring the fact I had already typed that into the phone like 20 seconds ago>

Support: We ar-

Me (interrupting): I know, your system says my firm is named something else but if you click your buttons a few times you will see a different firm name, right?

Support: Oh, I’ve found it now.

Me: Greeeeeat. You know I have this same conversation each time I call. Considering literally nothing I have ever called about has ever been resolv-

Support (interrupting): I can see that in the log here, they were all known issues.

Me: Right, right, as I said, unresolved. Could you please throw me a bone and just fix up our firm name in your system? I need something. You owe me this.

Support: Only your client relationship manager can do that.

Me: ….the Lord giveths..

Support: Pardon?

Me: Nothing.

Support: How can I help you?

Me: <Provides problem>

Support: Have you checked our support forums for the solution?

Me: Yes. The solution was incomprehensible. I’m pretty sure your web support manager is a water fowl of some kind.

Support: OK. Cou-

Me: Maybe a Pelican.

Support: -uld I please have team viewer access?

Me: Roger that, you have the conn!

Support: Pardon?

Me: Nothing.

Support: <Clicking around my screen in areas unrelated to my query>

Support: Please hold. <hold music>

Support: Sir, this is a known issue and the only way is to use a workaround.

Me: …there is no God.

Support: Pardon?

Except this one. He knows shit.

Probably the worst thing about this whole dirty situation, and I do feel dirty by using their products, is how they handle every aspect. You show them a productivity issue, they smile vacantly and blame the user. They come up with a new feature and then expect us to adopt it, the reality of the cost involved in time and effort be damned, yet they tell us they are listening to our needs. They honestly seem surprised when I told them once I couldn’t offer a particular solution of theirs to a client because it was god awful. They smiled indulgently and I gave the patronising fuckwits the objective reasons for this judgement but they in turn fell back on the ‘other accountants are happy with it’ defence. You know what, most accountants are useless clowns who can barely understand how to turn a computer on. A solid endorsement from some clueless sheep with a pear up their arse isn’t particularly useful for me.

Breaking news just in: An open support ticket of mine, which basically means they couldn’t fix something quickly, has just now been closed. Without them fixing the problem. I imagine someone there put down the phone and immediately hid under the desk. Then for the next two weeks kept popping their head up, noticing we were still asking for a solution and then ducking back down again. Now I hadn’t asked for an update for a few days and so they breathed a sigh of relief and closed the issue. Without talking to us. To repeat again, without fixing the fucking problem.

God damn it, MYOB is the company. MYOB is the useless moronic juggernaut that I hear being advertised on the radio as a bright and shining example of business prowess. The reality is that their products lack vision, they lack competitive edge, they definitely lack decent developers and they obviously lack leadership at every level right to the top.

Obviously at some point this rational argument turned into a subjective gripe and the anal fortitude of some may have been metaphorically tested. I never thought I was passionate about anything but as it turns out, I kind of demand a level of design competence and accountability in my software vendors. It is this very passion that forces me to emote in ways I generally would not. Should I apologise for that? Maybe.

But I won’t.

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The Enjoyment of Coffee

I don’t like hot drinks in a general sense, but in a more specific sense I dislike coffee. This isn’t one of my normal dislikes either, I’m not militantly opposed to it existing, I just don’t want it existing in me. However, the business world is about work, coffee and soul crushing tedium and it hasn’t changed in my 15 years, it isn’t likely to change in the future so my excuses seem kind of hipsterish at this point. I’m like one of those people who is refusing to use Apple phones because everyone else is using Apple phones. Nobody, and I will repeat that several times more, -nobody- likes an Android user.

At the moment I’m trying to get over my dislike by repeated exposure, theorising it would be just like getting used to beer. Beer is wonderful and has become an enriching cornerstone of our family life but it took a while to reach that level. Coffee is different. Each cup I find more distasteful than the last and I don’t see an end point to that. Yet I keep trying because…Android? I should stop using that analogy because I keep drifting into another story about how Android phones are terrible and people who use them are evil. That story has dragons.

So melodramatic.

I should probably admit that I may never accept the flavour and instead of trying to get used to coffee, I just need to tolerate it. Which to be fair isn’t expecting much from a person; you put it in your mouth, swallow and smile. And you then bask in the warm glow and try to ignore the aftertaste. I’ll move on as that innuendo was entirely unintentional but now I can’t stop giggling.

In my work life I get asked frequently whether I would like a coffee and after what seemed to have mortally offended people by saying no I have taken to just saying yes and then simply not drinking it. Of course if asked how I take it my coffee I reply with “irished, hold the sugar. And the water. No coffee either. In fact just bring a 12 year aged bottle and some ice.” Of course they laugh because drinking at work is funny but I just stare at them blankly in hope they take me seriously this time. Yes, I would take a scotch. Yes, I do know it is 9:30 in the morning.

Maybe I am part of the

problem.

Another point to consider is that maybe the flavour isn’t what I dislike, maybe I just hate conformity and this vile liquid is an embodiment of that. This reasoning works for me as well, it means I’m not the problem. Society is to blame. I sit in an office for 9 odd hours each day, then a few hours each night dwelling on pointless arbitrary shit, and the only personal value I get out of this is the air-conditioning. I’m not sure if conformity is in the dictionary but if so there would be a picture of some suits sitting around a table and drinking coffee. Well I’m sure it is in the dictionary but I’m not checking. Also sure the dictionary doesn’t even have pictures.

My point is that this game is getting awfully boring.

Also, when I visit my parents, and despite me never having had coffee at any point in their memory, ever, I get asked by my father if I want one. I’m becoming to wonder that after 30 years he may just be fucking with me.

Tomorrow we discuss how awesome strawberry flavoured milk really is and, spoilers, there will also be dragons.

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SBS Food Network: Complaints

Dear SBS Food Network

I am a firm admirer of your work and congratulate you on being the first free to air station to include a channel of literally the only thing that would motivate me to watch free to air television. I should note I have only a limited understanding of when the word ‘literally’ should be applied.

However, as with all consumer driven feedback I have a reservation in my unrelenting praise of your efforts. I believe you have widened your interpretation of the word “food” beyond the right minded. Your programming choices can only be loosely described in that genre which has upset Australia (I assume) and more importantly, me. Imagine there was a show about me sitting on a stool talking about how drunk I got one night and incidentally I kind of remember eating a delicious kebab. That would not be a show about food using a tight definition and has no place on the channel (although given your line-up I reserve the right to take credit for that show if it appears in the near future).

Now that whole paragraph is subjective, admittedly, but more importantly I used ‘loose’ and ‘tight’ without creating an analogy about sexual promiscuity. It shows I am maturing as a person.

To illustrate my point about your current shows I have picked out a few that really stand out as “against brand” to use terminology that might be in marketing vernacular. It sounds pompous and markety enough anyway.

Cutthroat Kitchen:

Not a cooking show.

As an honest question, does anyone watch this show? No, don’t answer that, I don’t think I want to live in a world where that was possible. My story about potentially remembering eating a kebab that may or may or not have existed has more in common with a show on the Food Network than Cutthroat Kitchen. Where the focus is on the pageantry rather than on either the cooking or the food it just makes me sad. In fact any show including judges can follow that line of reasoning as well. I can’t smell or taste along with the judge, why should I care what they think when they don’t even step through the food making process in detail. You could replace the food element with anything and have the same show.

Kids cooking/baking competitions:

Smug precocious child competes in a bake-off (or whatever) with other smug precocious children. These shows make me wonder if it is all pretend or if the show should be renamed “Ways to get kids to be beaten up at school for acting like superior jerks”. Granted, I’m not good with titles. I learn nothing about food and after getting through ten minutes of these shows I question the existence of God, which is literally a bazillion times less hyperbole than warranted.

Chopped/Any other competition:

Also, not a fucking cooking show.

As I mentioned above, the inclusion of judges, even if they are judging food directly, doesn’t increase the foodiness value of any show. In fact, they take away from it. Whether a dish is over or under seasoned is utterly irrelevant when we weren’t shown how much seasoning was added in the first place. Every time I need to listen to a critique from a judge or watch the facial expression of the recipient I am reminded that these people have emotions which turns this into a Soap Opera. The fact I need to remind someone that a Soap opera on the Food Network is not a great idea is disheartening.

Now I have no particular problem with these shows existing in a general sense, what I do have a problem with is the timeslots these are played. All slots between 4:00pm and 10:00pm should be allocated to shows you (but more realistically me) associate with the food shows under my arbitrary definition. A good basic paradigm to follow is an expert stepping slowly through a few food dishes, implying that I have the potential to recreate this at home. I can live with some background on the food or the culture if it doesn’t get in the way of the recipe.

Also, please no more average Joe Schmuck as the presenter (or contestant). I’m a Joe Schmuck and I wouldn’t watch a show about me vaguely cooking or being the vicinity of a kitchen. Why do people, and by association you, insist this is a good thing?

God dammit, is it Thursday again?

I hope you take this as constructive criticism and I am available to consult with SBS further on this if required. I even own a pin-stripe suit so pretty much good to go. I don’t wear it because people kept mistakenly assuming I was in Human Resources and more importantly I kind of got fatter and it doesn’t fit well anymore. So unless it is roleplay night with the wife and we are playing as kinky Human Resources Managers it stays in the cupboard. At your word, and confirmation my absurdly high per hour rates are acceptable, I’ll bring my wisdom to your kitchen table.

Also I congratulate you on the BBQ month programming. I enjoyed the content true, but my enjoyment came mostly from the fact the prime viewing slots weren’t filled with terrible American reality TV in the guise of cooking shows. BBQ month was Shark Week for me. Except it was for more than a week and with far less sharks.

Love to hear from you soon.

JR

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Truth Media: Aspartame (REDUX)

Further to the initial Truth Media: Aspartame post there was still some concern that I had missed several important studies that would dramatically change my stance on the issue. In short, and after a lot of reading, the answer was I still can’t find a credible study that points in that direction.

Whatever.

You know, I have nothing vested in this. I don’t own shares in any connected entity and I don’t have an opinion one way or the other as to whether the shit causes cancer in humans. I’m also not a scientist and don’t have any medical training whatsoever. Science to me is where some guys in white lab coats ask a question then do lots of terribly inhumane things to rats to see what the answer is. Then other people in lab coats look at the study and if it follows whatever rules these people have they give it an approval. I imagine they have a red stamp that says “Totally-Fucking-Science” which they slam down on the study while giving their pet lab chimp devil-fingas.

I haven’t been able to track any specific study that demonises aspartame apart from the Ramazzini Foundation one and this is a problem for me. That study sure looks sciency but my issue is that while it was reviewed and published by EHP it was reviewed and discarded by the FDA. So we come down to bias and trust. At this point I’m willing to admit that everything is biased to some extent. I’m definitely willing to admit that I am biased to trust some crusty old person who makes judgements from a position of experience and intellect over some idealistic Health Ranger who makes judgements based on the will of the earth mother.

My point is that the support and advocacy for the Ramazzini Foundation study is from those in the natural/alternate/environmental side of science. The FDA (a bunch of crusty old person science) disregarded the study because the underlying data didn’t support the conclusion. If the aspartame-UNCLEAN lobby was to produce a similar group of crusty old person science and gave the study the thumbs up, now I would see two competing credible and trustworthy sources of information. But they don’t. We have Betty Martini who may or may not be a doctor slobbering all over it with stupid.

Credible.

In a deadlocked situation of equally trustworthy sources competing for my belief, I’d be hard pressed to choose. I suppose, like horse racing, I’d have to choose the group with a logo that is the most pleasing shade of blue. Or if their logo was a snooty French duck. So my answer when presented with the question of whether aspartame causes cancer is not “yes”, or “no”, or even “fuck off I’m eating a hot dog”. It’s “I don’t fucking know, but there are a bunch of people who put the science in scientific and there is another bunch made up of environmental dreamers and idealistic whackjobs”. If you still looked confused about my answer at that point I would say your god damn problem isn’t aspartame.

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Pick Your Battle

It has been brought to my attention that I overuse a comma and in quiet reflection I can’t argue with that. However, in my defence I’m generally drinking, Foster the People are pumping up their kicks and things, just, move, slow. If you don’t believe a comma is situationally relevant, then just read it with the appropriate context; imagine I am in the middle of one big monologue and every comma is where I hold up a whiskey glass, swirl and drink before continuing.

So, kids and homework, eh.

As crusades go I’m not sure this is one I either want to run with or defend against. It feels like we are stretching and as I’ve said many times, I really want to join your bland inane offensives - the more pointless, the more excited I become. I mean really, really excited.

This time though I heard a ruckus, I heard the communal outcry and I was the first to douse my keyboard in fuel, light it up and put on my indignation pants. Then when I turned up and asked someone what we were angry about this time, instead of becoming aroused with righteous passion, I kind of felt let down. Also my indignation pants are a misnomer; I actually take off what I am wearing.

Righteous passion.

So let me get this straight, we are angry that schools give homework to the kids and there isn’t any proof the homework is useful? I had a boss once who constantly referred to the smell test. I know what he means now, if stupid had a smell, this would be it.

This opens a whole new science of….Science I suppose. The science of using lack of proof as evidence when almost certainly the only thing this evidences is the lack of science itself. I should have used more commas. However, I’m feeling better about it now, passion righteously aroused and indignation pants back on.

Let’s map this out: school teaches stuff, homework and study reinforces that stuff and compulsory testing determines your rate of retention on the stuff. Unless you are specifically studying rocket science, it isn’t rocket science.

The crux point though is that final method of determining retention; focus on the, fucking, testing. Decreasing homework is going to reduce the ability for a child to succeed in a world where exams aren’t even trying to find out what you know, but only what you can regurgitate. Fix that system of testing and then worry about the homework, you wacky bastards.

I’m no leader so I feel terrible about even attempting to direct this pitch fork wielding, indignation pant wearing, horde of internet denizens but can’t we focus on root problems?

Not a stalker.

Bad people are in prison. Prisons are made from bricks. I know, lets burn down a brick factory!

This isn’t even an exaggerated comparison anymore and I’m done. There is no “we” anymore, I’m not coming to the rallies and stop calling me.

Obviously I’m joking, ‘still love you internet. You keep being misguided and I’ll stay passionate. And aroused.

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