I don’t
like hot drinks in a general sense, but in a more specific sense I dislike
coffee. This isn’t one of my normal dislikes either, I’m not militantly opposed
to it existing, I just don’t want it existing in me. However, the business
world is about work, coffee and soul crushing tedium and it hasn’t changed in
my 15 years, it isn’t likely to change in the future so my excuses seem kind of
hipsterish at this point. I’m like one of those people who is refusing to use
Apple phones because everyone else is using Apple phones. Nobody, and I will
repeat that several times more, -nobody- likes an Android user.
At the
moment I’m trying to get over my dislike by repeated exposure, theorising it
would be just like getting used to beer. Beer is wonderful and has become an
enriching cornerstone of our family life but it took a while to reach that
level. Coffee is different. Each cup I find more distasteful than the last and
I don’t see an end point to that. Yet I keep trying because…Android? I should
stop using that analogy because I keep drifting into another story about how
Android phones are terrible and people who use them are evil. That story has
dragons.
 |
| So melodramatic. |
I should
probably admit that I may never accept the flavour and instead of trying to get
used to coffee, I just need to tolerate it. Which to be fair isn’t expecting
much from a person; you put it in your mouth, swallow and smile. And you then
bask in the warm glow and try to ignore the aftertaste. I’ll move on as that
innuendo was entirely unintentional but now I can’t stop giggling.
In my
work life I get asked frequently whether I would like a coffee and after what
seemed to have mortally offended people by saying no I have taken to just
saying yes and then simply not drinking it. Of course if asked how I take it my
coffee I reply with “irished, hold the sugar. And the water. No coffee either.
In fact just bring a 12 year aged bottle and some ice.” Of course they laugh
because drinking at work is funny but I just stare at them blankly in hope they
take me seriously this time. Yes, I would take a scotch. Yes, I do know it is
9:30 in the morning.
 |
Maybe I am part of the
problem.
|
Another
point to consider is that maybe the flavour isn’t what I dislike, maybe I just
hate conformity and this vile liquid is an embodiment of that. This reasoning
works for me as well, it means I’m not the problem. Society is to blame. I sit
in an office for 9 odd hours each day, then a few hours each night dwelling on
pointless arbitrary shit, and the only personal value I get out of this is the
air-conditioning. I’m not sure if conformity is in the dictionary but if so there
would be a picture of some suits sitting around a table and drinking coffee.
Well I’m sure it is in the dictionary but I’m not checking. Also sure the
dictionary doesn’t even have pictures.
My point
is that this game is getting awfully boring.
Also,
when I visit my parents, and despite me never having had coffee at any point in
their memory, ever, I get asked by my father if I want one. I’m becoming to
wonder that after 30 years he may just be fucking with me.
Tomorrow
we discuss how awesome strawberry flavoured milk really is and, spoilers, there
will also be dragons.
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