It’s funny how eerily connected events around you tend to be. I heard on the radio yesterday about an online furore where people displayed a high degree of animosity towards bicycle riders. To be clear, bicycle riders aren’t family groups going for a ride with the kids, we are entirely talking about the people wearing spandex. The folks on the radio were riders themselves and didn’t understand two key concepts:
- People on the internet can and will contribute whatever inane, and probably hate filled and bigoted thoughts they have, and fuck the consequences. I’m pretty sure it is why WWII happened and likely why (and where) WWIII will begin.
- People hate our bicycle riding friends with a passion.
To be clear, I don’t understand it either really. Or to be more clear, I don’t particularly understand the second point. I fully grasp the first point and at this phase in the ‘life’ the internet as a generic presence, it is strange that people are still looking at comments on a forum and attempting to attach logical reasoning to it. When denizen HugeB0N3r69 contributes to a discussion on global warming, I don’t feel anyone should be wondering at their motivations anymore when they inevitability call you an Asian cunt. We are safe to just accept that as a natural thing that happened in the online ecosystem. Quite beautiful really.
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| No photos! Kidding. Video everything. |
So onto bike riders: I’ve always worked for firms where this was a thing. People, for various, and quite often boring reasons, rode to work, then clippety clopped in their bike shoes through the building’s tiled floor to shower at work. As someone who can tell the time to a few minutes by the amount of sweat in their underwear, I just can’t fathom putting a suit on within hours of any kind of physical exertion. This wasn’t an option for me because mathematically, exercise + suit = excess ball sweat. I believe my point here is that physiologically I can’t participate but I have no issue with someone else’s junk flip flopping in their tight shorts as they pedal the highways.
As far as I can figure, the real questions at hand are from the bikers who just want drivers to be a little more considerate of their presence, and from drivers who find it difficult to articulate why they become irrational furious over mild inconveniences. They aren’t my questions by the way, I’ve just paraphrased the issues at hand, and they are so stupid that I find it mildly offensive that any input is really needed. Of course you don’t want to get run over and of course overreacting to mild inconveniences is the right behaviour.
Maybe it is simply because riders don’t seem to understand their place in the hierarchy of the road. This shouldn’t be news to you, but you are the bitch. In every scenario imaginable, no matter the cause, the consequences to the rider are the worst. This makes you the bitch. Getting hit by dense, heavy object going really fast and dying or at BEST being severely injured are not good options. You lose the ability to point to the law when you’ve lost a fucking limb. This makes you the bitch. If there is a universal right or wrong I’m pretty sure it would be indifferent to any point you are making, the onus is on you, and this makes you the bitch.
In an aside, which is totally not a poorly veiled metaphor, I was told that recently a [word-for-collective-group-of-vegans] of vegans mobbed a restaurant in Melbourne. They obviously shouted slogans, maybe threw around red paint and probably some tiddies were out as well, I don’t know why they do that last thing, fur is murder? We did what we always do and collectively ignored these type of stunts. Sure it hits the news, people click their tongues, “those wacky vegans are at it again”, but really aren’t motivated by the cause. Vegans understand this so they seek methods to increase exposure through an escalation in activities and looking to more extreme members to push the agenda. This in turn ensures an almost arms-race of extremism and right now the whole thing makes me feel stupid because it is just another form of performance art that I don’t understand.
Vegan message: Why do you want to hurt animals?
Public: We don’t. But we aren’t going to change how we do things due to our natures.
Vegan escalation: *Covers self in red paint and then begins chanting or speaking in tongues or something*
Public: Holy fuck, dude. Are you OK? Everything fine at home?
New Vegan spokesman: *screaming Youtube clip* Everyone is evil and I hope you all die! *puts on cow suit, pulls out cattle prod and shoves it up own ass*
Public: Well, we don’t like you anymore.
Internet Public: We are outraged but will continue watching.
Do you see the parallel here? I lied, it was a metaphor!
Bicycle riders message: Why do you want to kill us?
Public: We don’t. But also we aren’t going to change how we do things because at worst we may have to slow down. Slightly.
Bicycle rider spokesman: *Youtube clip of some bike rider screaming incoherently into a driver’s window*
Public: Well, we don’t like you anymore.
Internet Public: Hold my beer. *Wrists twitching with the need to respond with fiery comeuppance*
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| Mildly inconvenienced. |
Maybe it is simply because riders don’t seem to understand their place in the hierarchy of the road. This shouldn’t be news to you, but you are the bitch. In every scenario imaginable, no matter the cause, the consequences to the rider are the worst. This makes you the bitch. Getting hit by dense, heavy object going really fast and dying or at BEST being severely injured are not good options. You lose the ability to point to the law when you’ve lost a fucking limb. This makes you the bitch. If there is a universal right or wrong I’m pretty sure it would be indifferent to any point you are making, the onus is on you, and this makes you the bitch.
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| Harmless crouch or Performance Art? |
Vegan message: Why do you want to hurt animals?
Public: We don’t. But we aren’t going to change how we do things due to our natures.
Vegan escalation: *Covers self in red paint and then begins chanting or speaking in tongues or something*
Public: Holy fuck, dude. Are you OK? Everything fine at home?
New Vegan spokesman: *screaming Youtube clip* Everyone is evil and I hope you all die! *puts on cow suit, pulls out cattle prod and shoves it up own ass*
Public: Well, we don’t like you anymore.
Internet Public: We are outraged but will continue watching.
Do you see the parallel here? I lied, it was a metaphor!
Bicycle riders message: Why do you want to kill us?
Public: We don’t. But also we aren’t going to change how we do things because at worst we may have to slow down. Slightly.
Bicycle rider spokesman: *Youtube clip of some bike rider screaming incoherently into a driver’s window*
Public: Well, we don’t like you anymore.
Internet Public: Hold my beer. *Wrists twitching with the need to respond with fiery comeuppance*
At no point is anyone coming off as reasonable in this debate and it really shouldn’t be called a debate at all. Nobody wants to kill anyone. However, due to the way of the world, that is happening and you need to stay safe. The true problem is that just like vegans, the bikers are being represented by screaming morons who fail to understand that you are not equal to trucks and complaining that you should be just triggers the internet, which as we covered earlier, is an entity now. The only way to stay safe is to shake off this unreasonable delusion of equality and assume everyone on the road is trying to kill you. But in a passive, ambivalent way. Ride accordingly, bitch.
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