This is my first attempt at an unboxing you-tube clip!
Although my medium is written word, instead of video, and by unboxing I pretty
much mean my recollection of reading an email. Which is lucky because in a
video I’d have to wear pants. Unboxing!
A Doctor once suggested that a CPA title, which I hold, was
at LEAST the equivalent of his own. In the spirit of co-operating with
professionals I grudgingly agreed.
Actually thinking back, he may have been vehemently arguing
that I shouldn’t call myself a surgeon and my attempts to operate on someone
were more a basis of “you and the patient being too fucking drunk to know
better” rather than “my awesomeness as a medical-equivalent”. It is truly
amazing how recollection changes with time. I imagine when he begins talking to
me again we’ll debate that very point while swirling brandy.
In any case I recently received an email from CPA entitled
“CPA Member Benefits”. Inside I chortled to myself, imagining the
metaphorical…no, literal, dump truck of hookers and cocaine that would be
arriving at my home in no short order. Outwardly I asked my wife what her
feelings were about snorting blow from a prostitute. Her sigh, an obvious
acknowledgment of her community standing as wife-of-equivalent-big-shit,
said more than real words ever could.
Opening the email my first thought was “Get fucked you
communist bastards”. They were trying to sell me a case of wine for $99. If I
have a rule of life, a holy Brannigan’s Law, it is that if you pay more than $1
online for a bottle of wine you haven’t heard of Grays Online. After a
paragraph I came to two possibilities; their marketing department hadn’t heard
about this thing called the internet, in which I had costed one of their
selection and had it undercut by 40% within 30 seconds. Alternatively, they
thought we were fucking morons. It was quite obvious at that point they had
allowed the work experience to phone that one in. I scrolled further…
Nothing. No dump trucks. No pictures of mountainous piles of
cocaine where big tittied blondes were making adorably blow-angels. That was
it. Overpriced wine.
I don’t even.
0 comments:
Post a Comment