Truth Media: Aspartame

It has come to my attention that there is a high level of concern regarding the artificial sweetener aspartame. This concern is believed to have originated following a widely circulated email credited to a “Nancy Markle”. This email demonstrated three key points: 

1. People are idiots and will believe anything at face value without any supporting information;
2. The internet makes people stupid; and
3. Fucktardery is not a word, but it should be.

Numerous world food authorities have completed their own studies on the additive and found there to be no causal link between -any- of the claims made in Nancy Markle’s email and in fact no link between aspartame and adverse health conditions at all. Advocates of Ms Markle’s claims believe this can be attributed to a vast conspiracy because this is the internet and why the hell not. Again, fucktardery is not a word.

Furthermore, after a little bit of digging it turns out that Nancy Markle is a pseudonym for the real author, Betty Martini. Ms Martini has her own website (http://www.dorway.com/) which is titled as a ‘Dorway to Discrovery’. Let’s get something straight: Betty Martini is batshit crazy and in the opening article I was treated to a nonsensical diatribe from one of the friends of the site about the evils of sugar. That’s right, Betty doesn’t just hate aspartame, she hates ALL sugar. With a passion. I don’t think I have mentioned how truly crazy this person, her views and her website really are.

My mind is both literally and figuratively BOGGLED that the ravings of sugar lunatic can achieve such a mainstream level, even on the internet. To reiterate again, there is no evidence of any dangers and there is no evidence of a vast conspiracy and cover-up. The belief in this hoax is held together by the collective minds of internet users who would rather jump at shadows than use google to look at grainy pictures of naked celebrities.

Brought to you by the Monsanto Corporation

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