Hacking

Hacks at home

• When quietly smoking a jay at home, your wife will invariably ask if that was marijuana. Tell her no, it’s just a cigarette. BAM - life hack!
• Made too much cookie dough for the amount of trays you have? Eat the cookie dough from the bowl. BAM – life hack!

• 

  Thank you, Captain Sulu

  from Star Trek.

  Is it too far to the kitchen to find a glass? Take a gulp from a can of soft drink to make room and then pour your choice of spirit directly into the can. Pre-mix for half the price! BAM – life hack!
• Want to go camping but there is rain expected over the weekend? No issues - drape all the sheets and blankets from the linen cupboard over the lounges and you have your own camping area in front of the TV (It also doubles as a fort but you will need to protect it from jealous womenfolk who inexplicably seek to destroy your grand work). BAM - life hack!

Hacks in the workplace

• Always running out of staples? Think the walk to the stationary cupboard is too far and possibly constitutes a war crime? Next time take four seven twelve boxes and store then at your desk. BAM – work hack!
• Someone pissing you off at work? Like for example their very existence insults you in ways you can barely comprehend? Take the scissors from the binding area and put them in that persons desk drawer. The admin ladies will hunt her down and gut her like a trout. BAM – work hack!

• 

  I'm working here, Gladys.

  Learn to knock.

  Your employer has just asked if you have finished something you haven’t even started yet? Just tell him, yes. BAM – work hack!
• An afternoon nap is often hard with all the distractions at work. Try having a large hot lunch and then chase that with seven bourbons, you’ll be asleep in no time. BAM – work hack!
• Crippling anxiety or the unreasoning desire to leave this place of misery? Spend an hour in the bathroom masturbating. BAM – work hack!

This is an abridged list because I started drinking and then wasted four hours looking at memes while my wife went to look at the graves of relatives and visit someone in a nursing home.

Stay in school, kids.

Christ, meme.

Where were you 15 years ago?

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