Goalsetting

I’m trying to find a middle path between complete indifference to the world (its inhabitants and social responsibilities) and an active level of engagement that forces me speak to people that make me uncomfortable. I’ve never could find a right balance there and generally it ends with me saying something inappropriate or exposing myself. Sometimes both. In fact almost always both.

 To resolve this I’ve been watching a lot of self-help instructional clips on the internet that begin with an unlikely protagonist who ends up achieving their goals despite being terrible at doing whatever it is they do but apparently really gifted at other things. The clips demonstrate that anything is achievable whether you are a pizza delivery man, plumber or even bespectacled businessman.

 It appears what I have been lacking is goals. So this weekend I’m going to achieve the shit out of some goals I just made up and see if I get raised on some arbitrary social hierarchy that I barely even understand – yet is probably important.

Debone and stuff a chicken:

Not exact, but close.
Unnervingly close.

Despite this sounding really seedy, my meaning is in the culinary sense and not in the way you have first envisaged. I don’t know why I’ve found this goal important but that is probably because I am new to this whole goal setting thing. Also despite having said that original sentence I paused and wondered what sort of position could be referred to as ‘deboning and stuffing a chicken’ but couldn’t come up with anything. I refuse to live in a world where I can’t graphically explain this innuendo should it ever come up in conversation. Through trial and error, stage two will be to sort that out as well.

Not mowing the lawn:

I’ve added this one as a quick win. Sure, mowing the lawn is really easy - around an hour, you push something back and forward, get some vitamin D and make your wife happy. However what is even easier is not doing any of that. In fact right now, and until the point I mow again, I am succeeding on this one and you know what? For some reason I do feel better about myself just thinking about it.

Everything I am has led you

to this moment.

You may be expecting a longer list but that is a problem of your own expectations exceeding reality and unrelated to my own shortcomings. A university lecturer once told me that she expected better from me after giving a pass mark on some paper. What the fuck for? What have I ever given you that would indicate a bar being set any higher than ‘barely adequate’? So two goals is all I’m willing to go with, two and a half if you break down the first into cooking & debauchery.

The bar is low and I’m OK with that.

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