Guest Editor: School Dropoff

[At times various friends, family and well-wishers want to express a point but lack the inclination to write up a scathing diatribe on the subject. I graciously offer to paraphrase their views into a concise summary. Occasionally without telling them. My wife raised this during one of her wine-bottle-and-a-half benders. -JR]

We got a memo (followed by several more over the years) from the school before the kids even started. A courteous letter asking us not to get out of the car while using the drop off zone. At first my husband thought this zone was like some universal location where you could leave your children when the novelty wore off. Which to be fair to the school and him, generally happens to parents around the 5 year old mark. And then every following year until I die.

Regardless of the universal imperative to procreate (I type while glaring at my loins), the kids are at school now and there needs to be an efficient method of delivery and pickup. [Unlike my husband I don’t view school as free day-care because that is just wrong; it’s not free at all.] I want them to arrive and leave in a manner that keeps them safe and not do the exact opposite of what we have been instructed to do. Several times. I love rules.

Yet people persist in getting out of the car. I don’t even.

I’ve found an efficient beep on the horn suitably chastises the miscreant, reminding them that they are personally giving a middle finger to the nice people who have asked them not to do whatever they were doing, common decency in generally and more importantly me. I may not have emphasised the part about me enough so I will follow up with two exclamation marks.  !!

How hard is it to get your kids sorted so they have their bags ready and to jump out of them car on the appropriate side? Efficiency is a thingy of beauty. Watching someone get out of the car to open the car boot, get bags out and needlessly wish their children a good day is an affront to good sense, generally efficiency and Jesus probably hates it too.

Anthropologists have studied loads of extinct and declining cultures and got a good handle on their whatnot. Yet ask one to understand the ritual of daily school entry and exodus they throw up their hands and just mouth what the fuck. These are scientists, people, they generally have their shit together and even coked out I imagine if they don’t understand what you are doing it probably means you need to start thinking a little more about what that is and not about your morning coffee.

As always, I say this with love and because I want you to grow I’ll leave this on a positive note; everything you are doing is wrong but you can fix it by changing.

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