I’ve found a new and interesting strategy to irritate
someone working with me. This is partly because when faced with a new problem
she keeps asking me questions and partly because I am an asshole. Now
if I was to answer those questions it kind of defeats the purpose of me
delegating these tasks in the first place. At first I was just going to tell
her that but she has been kind of emotionally fragile recently so instead, I
sent her a picture of panda looking suitable intrigued, but distant. On further
viewing, image search shows that Panda’s in general have all sorts of facial
expressions that are roughly humanlike so I can see how a Panda picture can
serve as a suitable response to any question ever asked.
I think these questions are based on her being so darn
adorably earnest about getting things right. Obviously her honestly solid work
ethic shouldn’t be fucked with but it was Friday and while I’m not even arguing
whether these questions need to be asked, I was miffed these had been asked to
me. Well I was but now I am more than happy to provide an accurate yet concise
solution. As a picture of a Panda. Also, she is no longer as emotionally
fragile. Since we started her Panda training a few weeks ago I would grade her
current emotional state as angry and hate filled.
A few samples below of the exchanges noting the commentary is
added for context. My email replies were just a picture.
"I have created a new clearing account but the ‘Accounts
effected’ setting doesn’t make any sense. I’ve sent a second email with a
screen print, which is the right account for the settings?"
Response:
Commentary: See how the Panda’s expression conveys my
criticism of not been given enough context to come up with a more rigorous
response but more, that it actively doesn’t care about her clearing account
issue.
"I am the perplexed Panda PLEASE HELP"
Response:
Commentary: Now is this Panda being obstinate? God no, look
into its eyes. The answer is in you, it has always been in you. Just look deep
down into yourself and have the confidence to click buttons until a solution
either happens or people get bored enough to let it go.
"Could you please come around to my desk"
Response:
Commentary: Part of being a manager is kind of like being a
father to fragile, growing children. Sure there is love but at times there must
be tough love and we call this nurturing. This Panda is showing my nurturing
side.
"Stop with the pandas where are you even getting them
fomr(sic)?!!??"
Response:
Commentary: This picture was a struggle but I think I nailed
it. Even when we lose our cool we should be able to maintain grace, dignity and
the ability to form grammatically correct sentences. Also, later she apologised
for losing her temper in that email so in a way that confuses me, I managed to
maintain the moral high ground from the exchange.
"I am in trouble again"
Response:
Commentary: Well what else was I supposed to think? Note
that there was no judgement in these Pandas. Only acceptance of the beauty of
nature.
"For discounts given they could use ‘cash discounts’ expense
account, they do not have any other account . there is a ‘sales discount’
income account ?"
Response:
Commentary: Finding a Panda who was as disarmed as me about
her imaginative use of the question mark without actually posing a question was
difficult.
There
were a several other exchanges but I kind of got the impression that either she
is really angry or her spirit is broken or alternatively we may be dating now.
I often interpret social cues poorly so while I am sure it is one of those, I’m
not sure which one it is. Invariably tonight when asked by my wife whether I
got much accomplished at work I can at least say I emailed a few Panda pictures
around and then researched whether cutlery should be face up or face down in
the dishwasher. Then I should probably prepare her for the inevitability of a
threesome should I have misjudged this whole thing.
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